A favorite poem of mine is Robert Frost’s “The Road Not Taken,” which I feel captures the dilemma we all face at one time or another in considering two or more options or decisions in our lives. Not a crowd-follower, the road less traveled has always appealed to me and the well-worn road less attractive. The road less traveled in my life has been the “better claim,” but it has often been a harder road but accompanied by the holding of God’s faithful hands.
Discernment individually or corporately is a process that brings both struggle and often pain, and at its best arrives at decisions or solutions that lead to growth. Webster defines that in “Christian discernment, God guides” a seeker to help one arrive at a “best decision” which is to “be made in accordance with God’s will.” And that is where we all stand at a crossroads facing our own desires and in prayer and God’s Word discovering the way He leads us down a different road.
Dilemmas can be paralyzing and heart-wrenching and overthinking them brings its own challenges. St. Ignatius of Loyola, founder of the Jesuits in the sixteenth century, published a number of exercises to guide the spirituality of their community. His motto is “in all things to love and to serve,” which looks toward God’s greater glory in “effective love,” (shown in deeds), as opposed to affective love (based on feelings). Discernment for him is to be “rooted in the understanding that God is ever at work in one’s life ‘inviting, directing, guiding and drawing one into the fullness of life.’” Recognizing this, we are to reflect on our lives, practice a habit of personal prayer, “self-knowledge, knowledge of our deepest desires and cultivate openness to God’s direction and guidance.” Like Mary meeting with the shepherds at the birth of Jesus, we are to ponder prayerfully the treasures of God’s words and his actions in each of our communal and private lives. St. Ignatius gently advises that our focus should be a “quiet attentiveness to God and sensing rather than thinking.” The goal then in discernment is “to understand the choices in one’s heart to see as God might see them.” (from Wikipedia).
A personal story. Three decades ago, I had a fiancé who became ill. He was teaching in Europe and was diagnosed with a brain tumor that upon returning to the U.S. was further diagnosed as inoperable. He spent nearly three months at NYU Hospital and asked me to be discharged to my home, as his elderly parents were unable to care for him. I was working fulltime and would have to rearrange things in my home for a hospital bed, wheelchair, and to find help for him during the day. I fought and cried with God and His message was “I will be with you,”—a resounding message. When I finally gave up the struggle, I settled into His trust and deeply in my heart I knew undeniably that if I did not do this task I would regret it for the rest of my life. God fulfilled my prayer, giving me everything I needed to care for him and his family. The decision to care for him was initially frightening, literally helping a loved one live while dying. He and his mother were with me for a year and three months, helped by many people including men from Grace, and some years after his death his best friend and I married.
In my twenties, I had a Bible teacher at Luther College in Teaneck who gave her students a way to work on our hearts and on discerning God’s will. Sometimes we as God’s children may see a road ahead, but be unwilling to take a step for fear of any multitude of excuses we come up with. At those times, she suggested we say: “God, I am not willing (for the reason you well know), but I am willing to be made willing.” This little prayer at times has brought me to many life situations when I could say “I can do this,” (with God’s help and grace), even if I don’t like a situation. And hopefully, the situation I may not like may turn out to be something for my good, or the good for another.
Lastly, Corrie Ten Boom, survivor of Ravensbruck Concentration camp during WWII, once said: “Don’t be afraid to trust an unknown future to a known God.” May we all walk forward as God’s children, looking for His will personally and communally. He has promised not to leave us as orphans, but to hold our hands in holy grace.
© 2022 by Barbara R. Williams-Hubbard